THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL
Saturday Oct 29
Saturday was the day of the funeral and the royal transition. It again started at the palace. We got there around 8am and sat for a bit and just watched what was going on. Someone was talking on the loudspeaker, I think in a foreign language, and people were milling around. We eventually went in to see the Chief’s body again today. He was lying down this time and there were a group of women sitting around morning for him. His first wife was there crying the loudest (he had several wives, I can’t remember how many). When she saw Dela she cried more and Dela went and comforted her. It was an emotional moment, being inside the room with the family and paying the last respects to the Chief before he was placed in the casket. We eventually moved up the line and saw the Chief's body and paid our respects, then we left the room. We went to find Dela’s brother, an accountant from Accra. He brought lots of other family members with him as well. Her brother is actually her cousin, if you're thinking in Western terms – there are no family distinctions between brothers and cousins, aunts and mothers, etc, here. So, we then joined their party and went back in with them to see the body again as a family. At this point Dela was calling me her sister, and she told me that I am part of her family – that felt very good, and I felt a connection with her for sure at this point. We have definitely shared some moments over the past couple of days.
After viewing the Chief’s body that final time, we actually left the Palace and drove to this big field area where the funeral would happen. We got seated in some chairs under the canopies that had been set up and then we waited there until more people started showing up. There were three sections of chairs, then the stage, all focused in on a large empty area in the middle. That is where the casket was, as well as space around it for lots of movement and activities.
I learned that the casket had been custom made to be shaped like a sword that is on a lot of fabric and painted on walls around the palace (I think it’s a common African symbol, not sure though).
Eventually, more and more official people started showing up and the funeral was under way. It started around 9:30 or so. There were all kinds of things happening all the time throughout the funeral itself. And though I didn't understand a lot of it, I just tried to be present and watch everything. Because, wow, what an opportunity. There was a drumming ensemble that was playing from time to time. There was also a brass band opposite then that played off and on. Occasionally there would be groups of people who would walk through accompanied by a few talking drums or djembes. I learned later those folks were the Muslim community walking through to pay their respects. All of this was happening while there were also speakers speaking on a stage. There was no way one could be bored at a funeral like this – so much is going on all the time! Even while people were speaking, there was music happening and groups of people walking through the open space, in an official capacity. They were also people shooting off guns up in the air randomly throughout the ceremony. I’m sure there was reason and timing behind it, but I had no clue. Every time they did it, it was super loud…perhaps the loudest gun shots I’ve ever heard.
Throughout the funeral, Dela was not sitting with us. She was up helping out and doing what needed to be done for the family and the guests. So, I sat with her family, and they took care of me, since I had no idea what to do other than stick with them. Once during the ceremony, an offering was taken, and one of her cousins (I think) let me know that this is the offering time, and that I should get up and give something small. So I did. That was very nice of her. I would have missed it had she not told me. They were really kind people and took me under their wing.
Around the casket, there were designated people who were dancing around it or walking around it or sitting around it all the time. I was told that they are teenagers from the town because it was a duty that needed to be fulfilled. But it was an important part of the funeral, and they had special outfits and such – very interesting to watch.
Here are a few pics from the funeral as well
Around 12:45 I left the funeral (it wasn’t over yet, apparently) with Dela’s family. We walked down a street to where Dela was helping serve food to funeral guests. They served lots of homemade traditional Ghanaian food. I’m not sure who all made it, but wow, what an undertaking! I had tilapia and jollof rice for lunch, which was really good. Mr. Ekow (Dela’s driver) came and sat with me at some point during lunch. He had been running errands for her during the funeral. It was nice that we got to just chat for a bit and become more comfortable with each other. But the main topic of conversation was why I wasn’t married. He asked me lots of times also why I didn’t have kids, and kept insisting that I should have some kids soon. It seemed to be that marriage automatically equals kids (which does seem to be the case with most people here). He couldn’t seem to comprehend why that would be…it doesn’t seem like here there’s much of a choice for most people. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around that one. Anyway, eventually he had to go run another errand for D, so she invited me to come over and sit near where she was preparing the food. Her family left around that time anyway. Dela finally got a chance to eat around like 2:30 or something – she had worked her ass of the entire day.
After lunch, we left the funeral events. I actually drove us to our next stop! Mr. Ekow wanted to see if I could drive, so I did. It was fine…there was not lots of traffic, but there were some pretty nasty potholes. We went to her friend’s house because her friend had made food for us. I was so stuffed because I had all that food and a beer during lunch. But this nice lady made a bunch of Jollof rice and chicken as well as banku and fish soup and salad. It was quite a spread. We sat and visited with her friend for about an hour or so and we ate some of the food even though I was very full. We packed up the rest and took it with us.
Next up, we went to the village where Dela did her work for her master’s program. It was a pretty poor, rural village. She couldn’t find the person she was looking for, but she chatted with a lady for a bit and then we left.
Finally, we went back to the Palace to say our final goodbyes to people. We thought it was just gonna be a short stop in to say goodbye to the Chief’s youngest daughter, who Dela is clearly pretty close to. But it ended up being a fiasco and took a long time, of course! What had happened was, D and I were walking around the compound just looking at some of the decorations. Well, apparently we walked away without greeting some of the royalty who were sitting nearby. So, they called her out on it. This is a customary thing that’s very important to tradition that you greet your elders before you leave somewhere. I can’t really read remember if it’s elders or royalty…probably both. But either way they decided to have a bit of fun with us while also teaching us a lesson that it’s important to acknowledge tradition. It took forever for them to confer about what to do as our “punishment” for the “crime” we committed. We were hoping they would just let us off because that’s what she said people typically do. But these guys weren’t going to and clearly wanted to entertain themselves. What they ended up doing was saying that we needed to bring some alcohol and pour it out for the spirits. So Newton (one of the people Dela knew who was around) helped us out, and he and Mr. Ekow went to buy some schnapps or something while we waited there. They came back with one bottle of gin. But then the elders were not happy with that because the saying goes, “a man can’t walk on one leg.” So, in essence, he should’ve brought two bottles of alcohol. So, Newton went to find another bottle; he ended up getting a bottle of Club beer, which pleased the elders. We then had to have this whole ceremonial thing where each person took a sip of the gin and poured some out for the spirits. We passed a cup around in a circle with most everyone drinking out of it and pouring some schnapps on the ground. The elders seemed satisfied with this, sort of.
However, they were not happy with Newton not initially buying two things of alcohol. So we had to sit around and wait for them to confer what to do about that. I think we did another round or something. I don’t remember. It was getting really late and I was getting really tired and annoyed. Finally, they let up, and we ended up chatting with them a bit. They asked me questions about why I was in Ghana and what I liked about it and everything. I told them about the drumming and the classes that I taught and all of that. They actually found it interesting and we had a decent chat. I did ask if we could take a picture with them, and of course they had to confer about that, and they said yes, that would be ok. So…here is the pic, along with some others from that evening.
After that conversation, I thought it was over. Dela had to go great a few people so I walked around with her and I thought we were leaving. But no! Then one of the same guys who was in the previous group came back around and started talking mainly to me about, do I want to move to Ghana and be a queen in this Royal palace or something like that. I didn’t understand what he was asking and I couldn’t tell if he was serious. Because he had his friend who is one of the sons of the previous chief sitting there. This whole charade went on for about 20 minutes or something. I felt like it would never end because that guy was becoming obnoxious. I wasn’t giving him the answer he wanted because he just wanted me to say yes. But I wasn’t going to because I didn’t understand what he was asking me. So I just kept saying I don’t understand. I don’t know. It was frustrating after a bit and I kept looking at Dela. But she wasn’t really sure what to do either. So eventually I just finally said OK the answer is no, and we’re done. We will revisit this tomorrow. But of course I knew we wouldn’t be coming back. So finally, finally, FINALLY we left the palace. It was only about eight or 8:30. But it has been such a long day and Dela and I were both so tired. So then we went back to the hotel and chatted for a bit and went to bed pretty quickly. What a day! Sunday we got up decently early and left around probably eight or nine. We made a few stops along the way to get smoked fish, we tried to get salt but didn’t get any because it was too expensive, and when we were closer to Cape Coast we stopped to get watermelon and oranges. Dela and I talked the whole way back, which was great! The trip was so much faster than getting there. Literally, it was faster: it took about 7 hours to get there, and only 4 to get back. Traffic in Ghana can be INSANE, which is how it was on Thursday. We got to Cape Coast by one on Sunday, which I was shocked about because I thought it would take the whole day.
Anyway, this was an incredible weekend. Not only did I get to experience what most people won’t have the opportunity to, but I got to share in the grief process with my friend. What an amazing experience.
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